country=USA
Directors=Josh Boone
duration=98 min
Genres=Sci-Fi, Horror

✦ ♤⇩⌘∞✪✭⎈♥⌘✹✺↡✻❉✷❋❃✼✪

✦ The New Mutants

✦ ×✲♦↟▲✵↟♢⇧♧✧✵❉⁕ω❃⇑☼⊛

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New Mutants is the film God forbade. Its theatrical release postponed again and again since 2017, the latest instance having to do with the Coronavirus outbreak, New Mutants is almost as cursed as Gilliam's The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, albeit with the worst stuff seemingly taking place after its completion - or "initial" completion.
Yet again, I can't very well tell you where in the X-Men semi-canon this film fits. I'm going to assume it takes place after Logan and thus in the Altered Timeline, even if this weakens the perfect closure that Logan was. I don't think it takes place in the past, i.e. in the X-Men Apocalypse era, but it does follow up on that film's post-credit stinger, which teased the experiments of the grim mutant Mister Sinister. Much like Logan, however, The New Mutants ultimately neglects the final major X-Men villain to not have been in the movies (apparently reshoots are to blame for this, and the delayed release, which is never a good sign.
I know these things don't matter, especially not with The New Mutants, the first film in the X-Men franchise to fall under "horror. Ergo, much like the tongue-in-cheek Deadpool, it doesn't necessarily need to fit; tis of a different genre altogether. But again, reshoots and various extra delays were unkind to this one and I'd have just shelved it if I were Josh Boone.
The movie stars Blu Hunt, Anya Taylor-Joy, Maisie Williams, Charlie Heaton, and Harry Zaga as a group of angsty tween mutants who believe they've been assembled to join the X-Men, but soon learn something sinister (tee-hee) about their caretaker (Alica Braga. These superpowered kids are fairly diverse, but indecisive on which accents to use. We also get some goofy-looking additional creatures and a cameo from Marylin Manson, just so you know this is edgier than usual.
One must wonder, were there still devotees who sincerely looked forward to this mess? I know DC fanboys will stop at nothing to convince themselves even the most fundamentally inept piece of cinema is superior to Avengers: Endgame, and I do recall people who insisted that Dark Phoenix, despite how obvious its sloppiness was even at a glance, was the adults' option to the Avengers finale last spring (maybe throw in an ebarassingly blatant Christian symbol and I'll be convinced of its depth.
As for New Mutants, however, things seemed pretty clear from the get-go. This was pretty dang bad, and although we shouldn't treat the Rotten Tomatoes number like the final word, audiences as well as critics seemed to loathe this movie.
"It doesn't really work as an angsty romance, misses the mark as a horror movie and never for a minute feels like a superhero flick" said one Rotten Tomatoes blurb. "It is difficult to pinpoint exactly where Josh Boone goes wrong, because there are just so many options to choose from" reads another.
This isn't much but it's what you'll have to go on right now. As it turns out, several publications have apparently "refused" to review this film, due to Disney's inability to realize the benefits of streaming over theatre-going, especially during a global pandemic that makes critics' screenings (or any sort of screening) a really bad idea. I suppose we shouldn't worry too much about what critics and audiences have to say about this particular movie. Let the fact that fate itself hates this film be enough.

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